Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
holi greetings, holi songs, holi wishes 2011, holi special, holi sms
It's Holi... The festival of colors. It brings with it utmost joy and warmth, as it marks the beginning of spring. Holi spreads the message of harmony, friendship and goodwill. It also symbolizes the triumph of good over evil. Celebrate Holi with your friends, family, relatives and associates with our colorful Holi ecards.Happy Holi (59 Cards)
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Holi is the festival of colors. It's the time to spend time with our loved ones and have fun playing with colored powder, water balloons and sprinklers... A time to come together and spread joy...
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Holi Hungama (16 Cards)
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Holi Hai! It's time for lots of fun and frolic. So celebrate the special occasion with friends, family, loved ones and everyone you know and have a totally mastiful time. Don't forget to enjoy the...
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Love (13 Cards)
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Love is the purest and the most beautiful of all feelings in this world... And Holi is just the perfect occasion to celebrate this wonderful feeling by soaking your sweetheart's soul with love.
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Friends (17 Cards)
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Holi Hai! It's time to have fun with friends by smearing their faces with colors, splashing water balloons and pouring buckets full of colored water on them. Spread cheer and happiness among all...
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Thank You (11 Cards)
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Did a dear one brighten your Holi with his/ her wishes? Then it's time now for you to send him/ her a warm thanks. Click on our colorful Holi ecards and send them to all those who made your Holi a...
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Specials (12 Cards)
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Holi is not only about gulals... It's also about a bundle of emotions. As you see the riot of colors around, you are surely reminded of all those faces. So, are you missing them? Or, did you just...
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Songs (8 Cards)
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Holi Hai! It's time for total masti and full dhamaal! Enjoy this festival not only with colors but also with some sweet melodies. This vibrant festival of colors would be incomplete without songs.
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Family (10 Cards)
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In the festival of Holi the joy doubles when you celebrate it with your family and loved ones. It's the time to sprinkle colors on them and enjoy mithai and thandai with your mom, dad, son,...
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Invitations (9 Cards)
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The festival of Holi brings with it the spirit of togetherness and good cheer... And the joy doubles when we celebrate it with friends, family and loved ones. Make this Holi a really colorful and...
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Radiation Cloud From Japan Nuclear Plant Nears North America, How To Protect Your Health.
Protect yourself from radioactive fallout. As the nuclear power plant saga in Japan unfolds, the radioactive cloud drifts toward the Western United States and Canada. There are differing opinions on how that...
Read More>> Radiation Cloud From Japan Nuclear Plant Nears North America, How To Protect Your Health.
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Japan Nuclear Plant Crisis: Is Fukushima an INES Level 7 Nuclear Event
“The discovery of nuclear reactions need not bring about the destruction of mankind any more than the discovery of matches” -Einstein As an American, watching the media coverage of the aftermath of...
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Japan 8.9 Earthquake News! Updated Nuclear Disaster in Japan! Warning Photos & Videos May be Disturbing to some viewers.
The earthquake that hit Japan on Friday March 11th 2011, is the worst earthquake since the Chile earthquake in 1900. This earthquake hit Japan around 2:46 PM Japanese time. What many people may not realize as...
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Understanding Japan's Nuclear Disaster: INES
Unfortunately, with the results that have already unfolded and continue to develop at various nuclear generators in Japan, we're all having to develop a new vocabulary and level of understanding when we discuss nuclear disasters and nuclear meltdowns. It's the latest incident where the world both observes and shares in a tragedy that defies most of our understanding. One consequence is we're all beginning to be comfortable with a new vocabulary to describe what appears to be an increasingly host
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Will Japan replace nuclear reactors with Thorium?
In light of the nuclear disaster in Japan, do you believe the Japanese people will allow their Government to replace the nuclear power stations with uranium reactors again? I think it will not, and the...
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How to Protect Yourself from Radiation Exposure
With the damaged nuclear reactors in Japan there are many valid concerns about radiation and how to protect yourself. First, you must realize that most people in other countries than Japan are probably quite...
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Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The Five Secrets Of A Perfect Relationship
The Five Secrets Of A Perfect Relationship
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who
cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who
doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who cares you always and
whom u like to be with when u r alone
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. and
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the last 'n' most imp. one.................
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5. It's very, very important that these four women don't
know each other.........
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who
cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who
doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who cares you always and
whom u like to be with when u r alone
.
.
.
.
.
.
. and
.
.
.
.
.
the last 'n' most imp. one.................
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5. It's very, very important that these four women don't
know each other.........
CONDOMS
In this age of safe sex the need for condoms are a must but some people still have a difficult time buying them.
Take my friend, Joe. Our local store carries condoms behind the counter and you need to ask the salesperson to get them.
So Joe went up to the salesperson but he was so nervous he could only ask where the straws were.
So he bought the straws and left only to have to come back to buy his condoms.
Again Joe came into the store and was still so nervous he could only ask where the tweezers were, so he bought them and left.
Joe once again had to go back and buy his condoms. So he went up to the salesperson and said, in a low tone, "I need some condoms."
The salesperson rang up the sale and said, "First you come in to buy straws, then to buy tweezers, and now to buy condoms..."
"...What I want to know is are you going to suck it, pluck it, or fuck it?"
Take my friend, Joe. Our local store carries condoms behind the counter and you need to ask the salesperson to get them.
So Joe went up to the salesperson but he was so nervous he could only ask where the straws were.
So he bought the straws and left only to have to come back to buy his condoms.
Again Joe came into the store and was still so nervous he could only ask where the tweezers were, so he bought them and left.
Joe once again had to go back and buy his condoms. So he went up to the salesperson and said, in a low tone, "I need some condoms."
The salesperson rang up the sale and said, "First you come in to buy straws, then to buy tweezers, and now to buy condoms..."
"...What I want to know is are you going to suck it, pluck it, or fuck it?"
A newlywed couple
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband,
although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party
with his
old buddies. So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back..." "Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked
the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer. "
The
wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the
refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan,
India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he
could think of saying was, "Yes, loolie loolie...but at the bar...you
know...they have frozen glasses..." He didn't get to finish the sentence,
because the wife interrupted him by saying,
"You want a frozen
glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the
freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The
husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they
have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll
be right
back. I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened
the
oven and took out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings,
pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "But sweet honey... at
the
bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..." "You want
dirty words, cutie pie?...
LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F**KING BEER IN YOUR GOD-DAMN FROZEN UG
AND EAT YOUR MOTHERF**KING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING NYWHERE! GOT
IT,
A**HOLE?" .... and, they lived happily ever after.
although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party
with his
old buddies. So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back..." "Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked
the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer. "
The
wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the
refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan,
India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he
could think of saying was, "Yes, loolie loolie...but at the bar...you
know...they have frozen glasses..." He didn't get to finish the sentence,
because the wife interrupted him by saying,
"You want a frozen
glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the
freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The
husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they
have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll
be right
back. I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened
the
oven and took out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings,
pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "But sweet honey... at
the
bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..." "You want
dirty words, cutie pie?...
LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F**KING BEER IN YOUR GOD-DAMN FROZEN UG
AND EAT YOUR MOTHERF**KING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING NYWHERE! GOT
IT,
A**HOLE?" .... and, they lived happily ever after.
The Maid Did IT
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the woman.
"We don't have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."
The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"
The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."
A long pause and the man asks, "Is this 261-1382?"
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the woman.
"We don't have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."
The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"
The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."
A long pause and the man asks, "Is this 261-1382?"
Types Of Kiss
Kiss on the stomach = I'm ready
~Kiss on the Forehead = I hope we're together forever
~Kiss on the Ear = Your my everything
~Kiss on the Cheek = You look so cute
~Kiss on the Hand = I adore you
~Kiss on the Neck = We belong together
~Kiss on the Shoulder = I want you
~Kiss on the Lips = I love you
What the gesture means...
~Holding Hands = We definitely like each other
~Slap on the butt = That's mine
~Holding on tight = I don't want to let go
~Looking into each other's Eyes = I just plain love you
~Playing with Hair = Tell me you love me
~Arms around the Waist = I love you too much to let go
~Laughing while Kissing = I am completely comfortable with you
***Advice***
*Dont ask for a kiss, take one.*
**If you were thinking about someone while reading this,
you're definitely in Love.**
~Kiss on the Forehead = I hope we're together forever
~Kiss on the Ear = Your my everything
~Kiss on the Cheek = You look so cute
~Kiss on the Hand = I adore you
~Kiss on the Neck = We belong together
~Kiss on the Shoulder = I want you
~Kiss on the Lips = I love you
What the gesture means...
~Holding Hands = We definitely like each other
~Slap on the butt = That's mine
~Holding on tight = I don't want to let go
~Looking into each other's Eyes = I just plain love you
~Playing with Hair = Tell me you love me
~Arms around the Waist = I love you too much to let go
~Laughing while Kissing = I am completely comfortable with you
***Advice***
*Dont ask for a kiss, take one.*
**If you were thinking about someone while reading this,
you're definitely in Love.**
Alphabets of Sex Education
Alphabets of Sex Education
"A" for......Asshole
"B" for......Boobs
"C" for .....Cunnilingus
"D" for......Dick
"E" for......Entry
"F" for.......Fondling
"G" for......G-spot
"H" for.......Handjob
"I" for......... Inside
"J" for........Jerks
"K" for.......Kiss
"L" for........Lesbian
"M" for.......Man
"N" for.......Nipples
"O" for.......Oral
"P" for........Penetrat ion
"Q" for........Quicky
"R" for......... Rape
"S" for......... Strokes
"T" for......... .Trio
"U" for......... .Undressing
"V" for......... ..Vouyerism
"W" for......... ..Womaniser
"X" for......... ....X X X
"Y" for......... .....Young
"Z" for......... .......Zest
"A" for......Asshole
"B" for......Boobs
"C" for .....Cunnilingus
"D" for......Dick
"E" for......Entry
"F" for.......Fondling
"G" for......G-spot
"H" for.......Handjob
"I" for......... Inside
"J" for........Jerks
"K" for.......Kiss
"L" for........Lesbian
"M" for.......Man
"N" for.......Nipples
"O" for.......Oral
"P" for........Penetrat ion
"Q" for........Quicky
"R" for......... Rape
"S" for......... Strokes
"T" for......... .Trio
"U" for......... .Undressing
"V" for......... ..Vouyerism
"W" for......... ..Womaniser
"X" for......... ....X X X
"Y" for......... .....Young
"Z" for......... .......Zest
Ten things about sex
1. The typical lovemaking session lasts around 15 minutes: roughly 10 to 12 minutes of foreplay and around 3 to 5 minutes of intercourse.
2. Humans aren't the only horny members of the animal kingdom doing it just for fun. Dolphins and a type of chimpanzee called the bonobo have also been observed engaging in sexual activity when they are not in their natural reproductive cycles.
3. While Viagra has made erectile dysfunction (affecting 10 to 12 percent of men) a household phrase, the opposite problem -- premature ejaculation -- is more common (affecting 24 to 27 percent of men). The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is currently reviewing a drug called dapoxetine as a cure for this problem.
4. Crank up that thermostat... orgasms may be more intense in warmer conditions. The degree of vaso-congestion, reddening or darkening of the skin known as the "sex flush," is both more common in warmer temperatures and an indication of how intense an orgasm may be.
5. If a woman experiences orgasm during sex, she is more likely to become pregnant, since orgasmic spasms in pelvic muscles help move sperm up the vaginal canal to the uterus.
6. Homosexuality is not unique to humans. Many species have been observed engaging in homosexual activity, and in fact male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of all mammals.
7. On any given day 400,000,000 people around the world -- 1 in 17 of us -- will have sexual intercourse. Broken down further, 4,000 people are having sex at any given time.
8. Sex cures headaches. Endorphins released into our bloodstream when we have sex not only give us pleasure but also act as painkillers. Useful information to whip out the next time your partner uses a headache as a reason to say no.
9. Many elderly can and do have frequent sex. At age 70, 73% of males are still potent, and 30% of women 80 or older have still have sex.
10. 70% of women would rather eat chocolate than have sex.
Sources: The Kinsey Report, Wikipedia, American Urology Association
2. Humans aren't the only horny members of the animal kingdom doing it just for fun. Dolphins and a type of chimpanzee called the bonobo have also been observed engaging in sexual activity when they are not in their natural reproductive cycles.
3. While Viagra has made erectile dysfunction (affecting 10 to 12 percent of men) a household phrase, the opposite problem -- premature ejaculation -- is more common (affecting 24 to 27 percent of men). The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is currently reviewing a drug called dapoxetine as a cure for this problem.
4. Crank up that thermostat... orgasms may be more intense in warmer conditions. The degree of vaso-congestion, reddening or darkening of the skin known as the "sex flush," is both more common in warmer temperatures and an indication of how intense an orgasm may be.
5. If a woman experiences orgasm during sex, she is more likely to become pregnant, since orgasmic spasms in pelvic muscles help move sperm up the vaginal canal to the uterus.
6. Homosexuality is not unique to humans. Many species have been observed engaging in homosexual activity, and in fact male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of all mammals.
7. On any given day 400,000,000 people around the world -- 1 in 17 of us -- will have sexual intercourse. Broken down further, 4,000 people are having sex at any given time.
8. Sex cures headaches. Endorphins released into our bloodstream when we have sex not only give us pleasure but also act as painkillers. Useful information to whip out the next time your partner uses a headache as a reason to say no.
9. Many elderly can and do have frequent sex. At age 70, 73% of males are still potent, and 30% of women 80 or older have still have sex.
10. 70% of women would rather eat chocolate than have sex.
Sources: The Kinsey Report, Wikipedia, American Urology Association
Women's Revenge
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she got the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she got the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Do You Know?
One day, A nudist was very eager to go to the beach and get tanned "all over". Tho' he went to a non-nudist beach, hardly anyone was there, so he removed all his clothes, layed down and covered his prick with a newspaper, just in case. Suddenly, a little girl appeared out of nowhere and asked the man.
"Mister, what are you hiding under the newspaper?" Said the girl.
"This is a bird, don't mess with it!" He replied
"Okay..."
With this, the little girl skipped happily away, also, the man got back to laying on the sand and fell asleep afterwards.
By the time he woke up, he was greeted by the sight of him being in an hospital ward and having an immense pain in his genital area. Seeing him regain his conciousness, the doctor then asked him what happened. The man said the last thing he remembered is when that particular girl asked him about his "Birdie". So the police found the girl and asked her what she did on that fateful day.
She Replied:
"Well... I was... playing with this man's birdie, I had fun for a while with it, but it suddenly grew big and spat on me. I got angry and I broke it's neck, cracked it's eggs, and set it's nest on fire."
"Mister, what are you hiding under the newspaper?" Said the girl.
"This is a bird, don't mess with it!" He replied
"Okay..."
With this, the little girl skipped happily away, also, the man got back to laying on the sand and fell asleep afterwards.
By the time he woke up, he was greeted by the sight of him being in an hospital ward and having an immense pain in his genital area. Seeing him regain his conciousness, the doctor then asked him what happened. The man said the last thing he remembered is when that particular girl asked him about his "Birdie". So the police found the girl and asked her what she did on that fateful day.
She Replied:
"Well... I was... playing with this man's birdie, I had fun for a while with it, but it suddenly grew big and spat on me. I got angry and I broke it's neck, cracked it's eggs, and set it's nest on fire."
Murphy's Lesser-Known Dictums
Murphy's Lesser-Known Dictums
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Modern Heights
* What is height of Fashion?
A. Dhoti with a zip .
************ **
2. What is height of Secrecy?
A. Offering blank visiting cards.
************ **
3. What is height of Active laziness?
A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
************ **
4. What is height of Craziness?
A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
************ **
5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her
last.
************ **
6. What is height of Stupidity?
A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
************ **
7. What is height of Honesty?
*
A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
************ **
8. What is height of Suicide?
A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
************ **
9. What is height of De-hydration?
A. A cow giving milk powder.
A. Dhoti with a zip .
************ **
2. What is height of Secrecy?
A. Offering blank visiting cards.
************ **
3. What is height of Active laziness?
A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
************ **
4. What is height of Craziness?
A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
************ **
5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her
last.
************ **
6. What is height of Stupidity?
A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
************ **
7. What is height of Honesty?
*
A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
************ **
8. What is height of Suicide?
A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
************ **
9. What is height of De-hydration?
A. A cow giving milk powder.
Innocent Son
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
Do You Know? (4)
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
I am willing to work any shift.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
The response:
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated work area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not enough, you have been constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
I am willing to work any shift.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
The response:
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated work area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not enough, you have been constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
Do You Know? (3)
9 Types of Girlfriends
Ms. Nice Guy - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!"
Also known as: Whattagal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze, Doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday
Old Yeller - "You spineless good-for-nothing drag-arse no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans
Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite."
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
Advantages: Predictable Disadvantages: Contagious
The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed
Wild Woman out of Control - "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."
Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs
Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at."
Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition, Iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends
Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship."
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud
Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!"
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.
Ms. Nice Guy - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!"
Also known as: Whattagal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze, Doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday
Old Yeller - "You spineless good-for-nothing drag-arse no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans
Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite."
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
Advantages: Predictable Disadvantages: Contagious
The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed
Wild Woman out of Control - "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."
Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs
Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at."
Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition, Iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends
Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship."
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud
Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!"
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.
Do You Know? (2)
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. --- Tom Clancy
You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither. --- Steve Martin
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. --- Woody Allen
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. --- Rodney Dangerfield
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. --- Lynn Lavner
Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist. --- Matt Barry
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. --- George Burns
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant. --- George Burns
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. --- Sharon Stone
My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading. ---Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computer)
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. --- Jack Nicholson
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. --- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady) (and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour)
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. --- Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.--- Roseanne
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.--- Billy Crystal
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. --- Robert De Niro
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? --- Dustin Hoffman
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, "I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked." --- Jerry Seinfeld
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. --- Rod Stewart
You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither. --- Steve Martin
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. --- Woody Allen
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. --- Rodney Dangerfield
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. --- Lynn Lavner
Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist. --- Matt Barry
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. --- George Burns
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant. --- George Burns
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. --- Sharon Stone
My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading. ---Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computer)
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. --- Jack Nicholson
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. --- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady) (and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour)
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. --- Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.--- Roseanne
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.--- Billy Crystal
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. --- Robert De Niro
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? --- Dustin Hoffman
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, "I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked." --- Jerry Seinfeld
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. --- Rod Stewart
Do You Know?
Types of Breasts
. . Itty bitty titties
()() Little breasts
(.)(.) Nice breasts
(o)(o) Perfect breasts
(D)(D) Bullets
(O)(O) Handful breasts
(~0~)(~0~) Stretch mark breasts
\o/.\o/ Grandma's breasts
[o][o] Breasts during a mammogram
* ^ * Flat chest
(+0(+0) Fake silicone breasts
(*)(*) High nipple breasts
(@)(@) Big nipple breasts
oo A cups
{O}{O} D cups
(^)(^) Cold breasts
(< )(< ) Perky breasts
(o)(O) Lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) Pierced breasts
(p)(p) Hanging tassels breasts
(-)(-) Flat against the shower door breasts
lollol Android breasts
($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts
(ooo) Total Recall breasts (she had three!)
. . Itty bitty titties
()() Little breasts
(.)(.) Nice breasts
(o)(o) Perfect breasts
(D)(D) Bullets
(O)(O) Handful breasts
(~0~)(~0~) Stretch mark breasts
\o/.\o/ Grandma's breasts
[o][o] Breasts during a mammogram
* ^ * Flat chest
(+0(+0) Fake silicone breasts
(*)(*) High nipple breasts
(@)(@) Big nipple breasts
oo A cups
{O}{O} D cups
(^)(^) Cold breasts
(< )(< ) Perky breasts
(o)(O) Lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) Pierced breasts
(p)(p) Hanging tassels breasts
(-)(-) Flat against the shower door breasts
lollol Android breasts
($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts
(ooo) Total Recall breasts (she had three!)
Funny Jokes,
A woman goes to the police station and complains that she has been raped by an Indian batsman.
The policeman askes how she knew he was Indian.
She replies, "Well, he wasn`t in for very long" ! (Ha, ha !)
The policeman askes how she knew he was Indian.
She replies, "Well, he wasn`t in for very long" ! (Ha, ha !)
Just For Fun
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
TEACHER= Name four members of the cat family?
STUDENTS= Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why does history keep repeating it self?
Because we weren't listening the first time !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house...
still he was in jail.......why?
coz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An Astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope.
A sardar was observing him, Suddenly a star falls, seeings
that sardar shouted "kya nishana hai"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the
violin after the operation?"
"yes of course...."
"Great ! i never could before"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why dosen't it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Roses are red, Violents are blue monkeys
like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to
free u from darkness and if after you pray and your
still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !
I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
TEACHER= Name four members of the cat family?
STUDENTS= Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why does history keep repeating it self?
Because we weren't listening the first time !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house...
still he was in jail.......why?
coz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An Astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope.
A sardar was observing him, Suddenly a star falls, seeings
that sardar shouted "kya nishana hai"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the
violin after the operation?"
"yes of course...."
"Great ! i never could before"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why dosen't it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Roses are red, Violents are blue monkeys
like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to
free u from darkness and if after you pray and your
still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !
Sardar Exam Paper!!!,
GUYS,THIS IS JUST FOR FUN.
1) Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters.
......
2) Sex ?
Occasionally
3) What's your age group ?
Equal to 0
4) What is 2 + 2 = _?
IV
5) If you have one brother,how many brothers does he have ?
Question is too personal
6) If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise,would you get
100 Paise ?
7) Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three secntences.
Err...
8) If the time is 3.00 A.M., what does your digital watch show ?
3:00 A.M.,
9) At what time does the 11:16 Indrayani Express come ?
Thinking...I Dont Know
10) If A = B and B = C,then is B = A ?
Out of Syllabus
11) If you eat lunch during lunch-time,what will you have during dinner-time ?
You fast at that time
12) Think and write the present tense of Thought..
Thought
13) This is question number
Cant Count
14) If 2 + 3 = 5, is 3 + 2 = 5 ?
Impossible
15) Write the full form of ASAP,as soon as possible.
Impossible
16) What is the capital of India ?
This is a tricky question..
17) "a, e, i, o, u" are collectively called vowels.What are "e, a, o, u,i"
.....
18) Who was the first MAN to land on moon ?
This one is tough..
19) What comes first ?
Hen
20) Can you count more than give using only your one hand's fingers ?
No
21) Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y
Oei !
22) Mrs Sinha is Mr Sinha's
Son
23) To reach the 12th floor of a skyscraper how many buttons would you press in the elevator ?
i'll take the stairs
24) Complete the following series..
....
25) The Sun is nearer to India than America because
i dont have time left to think
26) How do you make ice cubes ?
Ask Neighbour
27) Have you used a computer ?
What's a computer ?
28) Kaal kitni prakaar kay hotey hai ?
5
28)1) Also Choose which are :
i choose Sat Sri Akal
29) Where does the sun go at night ?
Havent followed to see where it goes..
30) Did you reach the last question of the paper ?
Oei ! i dont want to think extra yaar !
1) Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters.
......
2) Sex ?
Occasionally
3) What's your age group ?
Equal to 0
4) What is 2 + 2 = _?
IV
5) If you have one brother,how many brothers does he have ?
Question is too personal
6) If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise,would you get
100 Paise ?
7) Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three secntences.
Err...
8) If the time is 3.00 A.M., what does your digital watch show ?
3:00 A.M.,
9) At what time does the 11:16 Indrayani Express come ?
Thinking...I Dont Know
10) If A = B and B = C,then is B = A ?
Out of Syllabus
11) If you eat lunch during lunch-time,what will you have during dinner-time ?
You fast at that time
12) Think and write the present tense of Thought..
Thought
13) This is question number
Cant Count
14) If 2 + 3 = 5, is 3 + 2 = 5 ?
Impossible
15) Write the full form of ASAP,as soon as possible.
Impossible
16) What is the capital of India ?
This is a tricky question..
17) "a, e, i, o, u" are collectively called vowels.What are "e, a, o, u,i"
.....
18) Who was the first MAN to land on moon ?
This one is tough..
19) What comes first ?
Hen
20) Can you count more than give using only your one hand's fingers ?
No
21) Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y
Oei !
22) Mrs Sinha is Mr Sinha's
Son
23) To reach the 12th floor of a skyscraper how many buttons would you press in the elevator ?
i'll take the stairs
24) Complete the following series..
....
25) The Sun is nearer to India than America because
i dont have time left to think
26) How do you make ice cubes ?
Ask Neighbour
27) Have you used a computer ?
What's a computer ?
28) Kaal kitni prakaar kay hotey hai ?
5
28)1) Also Choose which are :
i choose Sat Sri Akal
29) Where does the sun go at night ?
Havent followed to see where it goes..
30) Did you reach the last question of the paper ?
Oei ! i dont want to think extra yaar !
2 Tough Questions
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C
<>He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading...
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember: Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic
And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group
that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
Make sure you read all the way down to the last
> >
> > > sentence, and don't skip ahead.
> >
> > > I've learned....That life is like a roll of toilet
> >
> > > paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
> >
> > > I've learned....That we should be glad God doesn't
> >
> > > give us everything we ask for.
> >
> > > I've learned....That money doesn't buy class.
> >
> > > I've learned....That it's those small daily happenings
> >
> > > that make life so spectacular.
> >
> > > I've learned...That under everyone's hard shell is
> >
> > > someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
> >
> > > I've learned....That the Lord didn't do it all in one
> >
> > > day.
> >
> >
What makes me think I can?
> >
> > > I've learned....That to ignore the facts does not
> >
> > > change the facts.
> >
> > > I've learned....That the less time I have to work, the
> >
> > > more things I get done.
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C
<>He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading...
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember: Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic
And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group
that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
Make sure you read all the way down to the last
> >
> > > sentence, and don't skip ahead.
> >
> > > I've learned....That life is like a roll of toilet
> >
> > > paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
> >
> > > I've learned....That we should be glad God doesn't
> >
> > > give us everything we ask for.
> >
> > > I've learned....That money doesn't buy class.
> >
> > > I've learned....That it's those small daily happenings
> >
> > > that make life so spectacular.
> >
> > > I've learned...That under everyone's hard shell is
> >
> > > someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
> >
> > > I've learned....That the Lord didn't do it all in one
> >
> > > day.
> >
> >
What makes me think I can?
> >
> > > I've learned....That to ignore the facts does not
> >
> > > change the facts.
> >
> > > I've learned....That the less time I have to work, the
> >
> > > more things I get done.
Top 10 Reasons Fishing Is Better Than Sex.....
10. LASTS FROM DAWN TILL DUSK
9. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SECRET HOLE
8. ALLOWED SEVERAL FISH DAILY
7. CAN CHOOSE THE LENGTH OF YOUR ROD
6. CAN FISH ANY TIME OF THE MONTH
5. YOU CLEAN IT BEFORE YOU EAT IT
4. ABLE TO TAKE A NAP WHILE YOU FISH
3. THE COST OF BAIT IS CHEAPER THAN A DATE
2. YOU CAN ALWAYS THROW IT BACK
1. YOUR FAVORITE CATCH CAN BE MOUNTED ON THE WALL
9. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SECRET HOLE
8. ALLOWED SEVERAL FISH DAILY
7. CAN CHOOSE THE LENGTH OF YOUR ROD
6. CAN FISH ANY TIME OF THE MONTH
5. YOU CLEAN IT BEFORE YOU EAT IT
4. ABLE TO TAKE A NAP WHILE YOU FISH
3. THE COST OF BAIT IS CHEAPER THAN A DATE
2. YOU CAN ALWAYS THROW IT BACK
1. YOUR FAVORITE CATCH CAN BE MOUNTED ON THE WALL
A Junior Philosopher..
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with
your gun, how many would be left?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
Licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her
cone, which one is married?
Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But
I like the way you are thinking".
The Teacher Fainted...
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with
your gun, how many would be left?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
Licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her
cone, which one is married?
Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But
I like the way you are thinking".
The Teacher Fainted...
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Is Nargis the reason behind Ranbir Kapoor–Katrina Kaif break up? Katrina wants marriage, Ranbir refuses
Kat wants to marry Ranbir
Some say that it's his alleged coziness to his Rockstar co-star Nargis that is causing issues between Kat and him. But a rather reliable source also tells us that things are getting sour between Kat and him because the 27-year-old is not willing to ...
source
Some say that it's his alleged coziness to his Rockstar co-star Nargis that is causing issues between Kat and him. But a rather reliable source also tells us that things are getting sour between Kat and him because the 27-year-old is not willing to ...
source
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